MONDAY
Take the edge off the start of a long, painful work week with a fantastic night of television! CBS features a stable of comedies, ABC and NBC offer singing and dancing, and Fox presents the most expensive television show since Million Dollar Money Bonfire! Seriously, there's something for everyone on Mondays.
8PM - 9PM
ABC
Dancing with the Stars
Season 13 premieres 9/19 at 8pm
In ABC's ratings juggernaut, your favorite* stars** dance with pros to win a second chance at stardom or maintain their fifteen minutes of fame.
*loose definition **very loose definition
Dancing with the Stars
Season 13 premieres 9/19 at 8pm
In ABC's ratings juggernaut, your favorite* stars** dance with pros to win a second chance at stardom or maintain their fifteen minutes of fame.
*loose definition **very loose definition
CBS
How I Met Your Mother
Season 7 premieres 9/19 at 8pm
Could this be the season that Ted finally meets the mother of his children? Given the fact that HIMYMhas been renewed through next season, we're guessing not. But there are other things to look forward to, including Barney's wedding, Marshall's new job, and some ridiculously hot girl who somehow falls for Ted!
How I Met Your Mother
Season 7 premieres 9/19 at 8pm
Could this be the season that Ted finally meets the mother of his children? Given the fact that HIMYMhas been renewed through next season, we're guessing not. But there are other things to look forward to, including Barney's wedding, Marshall's new job, and some ridiculously hot girl who somehow falls for Ted!
NBC
The Sing-Off
Season 3 premieres 9/19 at 8pm
NBC's singing competition is hosted by Nick Lachey, so if you still need proof that it's legit, you clearly need to listen to more 98 Degrees. Season 3 kicks off NBC's idea of musical Mondays.
The Sing-Off
Season 3 premieres 9/19 at 8pm
NBC's singing competition is hosted by Nick Lachey, so if you still need proof that it's legit, you clearly need to listen to more 98 Degrees. Season 3 kicks off NBC's idea of musical Mondays.
THE CW
Gossip Girl
Season 5 premieres 9/26 at 8pm
This drama about randy teens and near-teens in high-society Manhattan is inching closer to ending, but that doesn't mean it's getting boring. There are still two threesome combinations left for the writers to make us "OMG" over.
Gossip Girl
Season 5 premieres 9/26 at 8pm
This drama about randy teens and near-teens in high-society Manhattan is inching closer to ending, but that doesn't mean it's getting boring. There are still two threesome combinations left for the writers to make us "OMG" over.
FOX
Terra Nova
NEW! **EDITORS' PICK!** Two-hour series premiere airs 9/26 at 8pm
Spielberg! Dinosaurs! That guy from Avatar! A jazillion-dollar budget! Fact: This is the most-anticipated new show of the season and everyone will be watching. Well, almost everyone. Jake Lohausen of Muncie, Indiana is really looking forward to ABC's Work It.
Terra Nova
NEW! **EDITORS' PICK!** Two-hour series premiere airs 9/26 at 8pm
Spielberg! Dinosaurs! That guy from Avatar! A jazillion-dollar budget! Fact: This is the most-anticipated new show of the season and everyone will be watching. Well, almost everyone. Jake Lohausen of Muncie, Indiana is really looking forward to ABC's Work It.
9PM - 10PM
DISCOVERY
American Chopper
Season 7 premieres 9/5 at 9pm
There's a reason this show about a family who customizes motorcycles is going into its seventh season: It's hecka-cheap to make.
American Chopper
Season 7 premieres 9/5 at 9pm
There's a reason this show about a family who customizes motorcycles is going into its seventh season: It's hecka-cheap to make.
ABC
Dancing with the Stars
Season 13 premieres 9/19 at 8pm
Because one hour of B-list celebrities tripping over their partners' toes isn't enough. Honestly, this should just be on a 24-hour loop.
Dancing with the Stars
Season 13 premieres 9/19 at 8pm
Because one hour of B-list celebrities tripping over their partners' toes isn't enough. Honestly, this should just be on a 24-hour loop.
CBS
Two and a Half Men
NEW-ISH! Season 9 premieres 9/19 at 9pm
The big news here is that Demi Moore's son Ashton Kutcher is taking over for Charlie Sheen in the long-running CBS' comedy. How will America react to the replacement of 40 percent of the show's men?
Two and a Half Men
NEW-ISH! Season 9 premieres 9/19 at 9pm
The big news here is that Demi Moore's son Ashton Kutcher is taking over for Charlie Sheen in the long-running CBS' comedy. How will America react to the replacement of 40 percent of the show's men?
THE CW
Hart of Dixie
NEW! Series premiere airs 9/26 at 9pm
In this light drama, Rachel Bilson (The O.C.) plays a doctor who must take over a medical practice in rural Alabama. The series' main themes are 1. understanding cultural differences, 2. making it on your own, and 3. taking a huge leap of faith in believing Rachel Bilson could actually be a doctor.
Hart of Dixie
NEW! Series premiere airs 9/26 at 9pm
In this light drama, Rachel Bilson (The O.C.) plays a doctor who must take over a medical practice in rural Alabama. The series' main themes are 1. understanding cultural differences, 2. making it on your own, and 3. taking a huge leap of faith in believing Rachel Bilson could actually be a doctor.
FOX
House
Season 8 premieres 10/3 at 9pm
Big changes for House this year: Dr. Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) has left the show and Dr. House starts off the season in prison. Otherwise it's the same medical drama it's always been! Warning: This may be the show's final season, so say your goodbyes now or you'll live a life of regret.
House
Season 8 premieres 10/3 at 9pm
Big changes for House this year: Dr. Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) has left the show and Dr. House starts off the season in prison. Otherwise it's the same medical drama it's always been! Warning: This may be the show's final season, so say your goodbyes now or you'll live a life of regret.
HBO
Bored to Death
**EDITORS' PICK!** Season 3 premieres 10/10 at 9pm
Not a lot of people know this one, so let's take it seriously: Jason Schwartzman stars as a writer who moonlights as a not-so-good private detective. Zack Galifianakis and Ted Danson also star. If that doesn't convince you to watch, then we don't know what will. Maybe a cookie?
Bored to Death
**EDITORS' PICK!** Season 3 premieres 10/10 at 9pm
Not a lot of people know this one, so let's take it seriously: Jason Schwartzman stars as a writer who moonlights as a not-so-good private detective. Zack Galifianakis and Ted Danson also star. If that doesn't convince you to watch, then we don't know what will. Maybe a cookie?
TRAVEL CHANNEL
The Layover
NEW! Series premiere airs 11/21 at 9pm
Loudmouth No Reservations host Anthony Bourdain gets a new series this season, showing would-be travelers what they could be doing in fantastic locales for a few days at time if only they didn't have an epileptic cat keeping them chained to their sedentary lives.
The Layover
NEW! Series premiere airs 11/21 at 9pm
Loudmouth No Reservations host Anthony Bourdain gets a new series this season, showing would-be travelers what they could be doing in fantastic locales for a few days at time if only they didn't have an epileptic cat keeping them chained to their sedentary lives.
CBS
2 Broke Girls
NEW! Series premiere airs 9/19 at 9:30pm
Kat Dennings is fabulous in this new CBS comedy about two financially challenged women from very different backgrounds who partner up to try to save enough money to open a cupcake shop. The ladies will also need to purchase a time machine to go back to an era when owning a cupcake shop was a novel idea. But with that said, this is one of the more well-liked new comedies of the season.
2 Broke Girls
NEW! Series premiere airs 9/19 at 9:30pm
Kat Dennings is fabulous in this new CBS comedy about two financially challenged women from very different backgrounds who partner up to try to save enough money to open a cupcake shop. The ladies will also need to purchase a time machine to go back to an era when owning a cupcake shop was a novel idea. But with that said, this is one of the more well-liked new comedies of the season.
CBS
Mike & Molly
Season 2 premieres 9/26 at 9:30pm
Speaking of cupcakes, Mike & Molly returns for more overweight romance and fat jokes galore. I know what you're wondering in the aftermath of Mike's Season 1 proposal to Molly: Will there be fried Twinkies at the wedding? Tune in to find out!
Mike & Molly
Season 2 premieres 9/26 at 9:30pm
Speaking of cupcakes, Mike & Molly returns for more overweight romance and fat jokes galore. I know what you're wondering in the aftermath of Mike's Season 1 proposal to Molly: Will there be fried Twinkies at the wedding? Tune in to find out!
HBO
Enlightened
NEW! Series premiere airs 10/10 at 9:30pm
This new show from HBO stars Laura Dern as a grumpy executive who undergoes a spiritual transformation after a mental breakdown. Dianne Ladd and Luke Wilson also star.
Enlightened
NEW! Series premiere airs 10/10 at 9:30pm
This new show from HBO stars Laura Dern as a grumpy executive who undergoes a spiritual transformation after a mental breakdown. Dianne Ladd and Luke Wilson also star.
10PM - 11PM
MTV
Ridiculousness
NEW! Series premiere airs 8/29 at 10pm
Rob Dyrdek hosts this show compiling the best of the web's zany videos while he makes jokes that he thinks are very funny. Why hasn't anyone thought of this before? It would do great on Comedy Central or G4.
Ridiculousness
NEW! Series premiere airs 8/29 at 10pm
Rob Dyrdek hosts this show compiling the best of the web's zany videos while he makes jokes that he thinks are very funny. Why hasn't anyone thought of this before? It would do great on Comedy Central or G4.
DISCOVERY
Swamp Brothers
Season 2 premieres 9/5 at 10pm
This show features two brothers who work at the second-largest venomous snake farm in all of reality television. (Real Housewives of Everywhere currently is the largest.)
Swamp Brothers
Season 2 premieres 9/5 at 10pm
This show features two brothers who work at the second-largest venomous snake farm in all of reality television. (Real Housewives of Everywhere currently is the largest.)
ABC
Castle
Season 4 premieres 9/19 at 10pm
Nathan Fillion. You need more?
Castle
Season 4 premieres 9/19 at 10pm
Nathan Fillion. You need more?
CBS
Hawaii Five-0
Season 2 premieres 9/19 at 10pm
Just so you don't embarrass yourself at parties or in chat rooms, it's Hawaii Five-Zero, not Hawaii Five-Oh. During the offseason, Masi Oka (Heroes) was promoted to series regular and Lost's Terry O'Quinn joined the cast of this re-imagining of the classic series. Plus, Grace Park + bikinis = winnage.
Hawaii Five-0
Season 2 premieres 9/19 at 10pm
Just so you don't embarrass yourself at parties or in chat rooms, it's Hawaii Five-Zero, not Hawaii Five-Oh. During the offseason, Masi Oka (Heroes) was promoted to series regular and Lost's Terry O'Quinn joined the cast of this re-imagining of the classic series. Plus, Grace Park + bikinis = winnage.
NBC
The Playboy Club
NEW! Series premiere airs 9/19 at 10pm
NBC (and everyone else's mother) attempts to recreate the mystique of Mad Men with a period piece set in 1960s Chicago around the legendary Playboy Club. But instead of creating snappy ad campaigns for cigarettes, these bunnies kill members of the mafia. Oops.
The Playboy Club
NEW! Series premiere airs 9/19 at 10pm
NBC (and everyone else's mother) attempts to recreate the mystique of Mad Men with a period piece set in 1960s Chicago around the legendary Playboy Club. But instead of creating snappy ad campaigns for cigarettes, these bunnies kill members of the mafia. Oops.
MTV
Death Valley
NEW! Series premiere airs 8/29 at 10:30pm
Vampires, zombies, and werewolves descend on Los Angeles in this mockumentary styled after Cops. Rule number one for these cadets: If you get your monster weaknesses confused, just shoot half-wooden, half-silver bullets into the perp's head and heart.
Death Valley
NEW! Series premiere airs 8/29 at 10:30pm
Vampires, zombies, and werewolves descend on Los Angeles in this mockumentary styled after Cops. Rule number one for these cadets: If you get your monster weaknesses confused, just shoot half-wooden, half-silver bullets into the perp's head and heart.
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