Big Brother Recap from Sunday, 8/28/2011

The first 25 minutes of tonight’s episode of Big Brother 13 all focused onJeff’s eviction last week.  So hop in your time machine folks, it’s time to see some fights before and after the big moment in which Jeff was cut loose from the house.  In addition to all that, there was also a Head of Household competition before Pandora’s Box returned to the game.  Read on to find out what else happened on tonight’s drama-filled episode!

Angry Feelings

All of the drama really started rolling because of Rachel.  She went to Jeff on the day of the live eviction and told him that Shelly said he threw the Power of Veto competition a few weeks back, which resulted in Brendon’s eviction.  Naturally, Jeff denied it even though it was completely true.

Next, we were shown a series of discussions that eventually caused an eruption between Jeff and Shelly.  As Adam and Jeff were talking about Shelly and her snake-like moves in the game, she stormed in and told them she was pissed off they were talking behind her back.  One thing was clear from this fight — Shelly is a bad liar.  Terrible.  Despite trying to convince Jeff that she’s been by his side the whole time, it didn’t seem believable one bit.  She then tried selling Adam out by saying he was guilty of strategizing against both he and Jordan.

One hour before the live eviction episode, another fight happened as Shelly explained to Jeff and Jordan that she was definitely discussing options in the game.  “We made a discussion, you (she pointed at Adam) included, to keep Dani in for the fact that everyone’s talking about you guys (Jeff and Jordan) getting to the end and no one having a chance.”  Jordan couldn’t believe any of it.  “I’m in shock,” she said in the Diary Room.  “I’m super disappointed.  I think she used our big hearts just to get her further in the game.  It hurts.”

More Tears

Finally, 25 minutes into the episode, we were at the true starting point with new stuff — basically right where we left off last Thursday.  Jordan and Rachel were sobbing about Jeff’s eviction.  “I’m so stupid for trusting Shelly,” Jordan said to Rachel.  “I’m so stupid.”

Meanwhile, Shelly was also crying about what happened.  As Kalia and Porsche worked to convince her there was nothing wrong with the decision she made, Shelly felt guilty.

A few moments later, Jordan was talking about Shelly’s actions — and Shelly heard it all.  So she walked in the room and told Jordan she wanted to chat when they all calmed down a bit.  But Jordan wasn’t putting up with any of it, which sparked more tears from Shelly.  “As bad as I feel for you, I feel like shit, too,” Shelly shouted.  This is when Jordan erupted, rose to her feet and told Shelly she should feel bad.  “All y’all follow Daniele because y’all think she’s like the greatest,” Jordan yelled as Rachel pulled her to another room.  “Her season was four years ago, and who gives a (bleep) her dad is Dick.”

I’m sorry, but I think it’s hilarious Jordan is upset that people in the game were more excited to play with Daniele than herself and Jeff.  It’s a game, Jordan.

A New Head Of Household

For the Head of Household competition, each houseguest had to roll a ball along self-adjusting, pivoting path without it falling off too early.  After multiple rounds of single eliminations, Porsche won the power of HoH for the first time this summer.

Immediately after the competition was over, Rachel and Jordan cried more while the other side of the house celebrated.  “Day 55 will go down in history with me as the worst day ever,” Jordan said.  “I lose every competition and Jeff leaves the house.  I’ve cried so much, I can’t even cry anymore.”  Ready for the biggest shocker?  Adam said in the Diary Room that he was now going to flip sides and join with Porsche, Kalia and Shelly since they have the most power this week.

Pandora’s Box Returns!

When Porsche entered her HoH bedroom, she was thrilled to see that she faced Pandora’s Box.  As we know from previous seasons, opening Pandora’s Box can bring something really good or something terrible (or both).  Porsche was teased with $10,000, which was on the other side of the door.  Although she was very worried about potential consequences by opening the door for the money, temptation was too much.  She opened the door and read an envelope that told her she had just won $10,000, which she has to split with one other houseguest.  But there was more to her decision.  She was instructed to take the second envelope inside the room downstairs to read it to the other contestants.

“Houseguests, I have opened Pandora’s Box,” Porsche read.  “In doing so, I have unleashed the duo twist back on the house for one week.  All of the original duo rules apply.  Duos will be nominated as a pair.  And if the Veto is used, they will be removed from the block as a pair.  If the duo remains on the block, they’ll be forced to campaign against one another in order to stay in the house.  Everyone must now pick their partner.”  The new duos are Porsche and Kalia; Rachel and Jordan; Adam and Shelly.  Porsche immediately regretted her decision to take the temptation of Pandora’s Box.  Rachel was super excited since it gave her a new lease on life in the game.  Kalia was disappointed that Porsche was so stupid to open Pandora’s Box.

Who do you think Porsche will nominate for eviction?  Who are you hoping gets evicted this week?  Would you have opened Pandora’s Box?  Sound off and leave me a comment below!

Basketball Wives LA (1st Episode Highlights)

Basketball Wives LA – Episode 1 – Let’s Get It Started

One episode in and it’s already getting started on Basketball Wives LA. It’s cool, Tanya, don’t get up.

Basketball Wives LA isn’t quite a spin-off, it’s like an extended branch of a family tree, but like every other television show that was somehow based on something that came before it, it has quite the reputation to live up to, for better or worse. Many of the issues that come up for the Miami cast (“Why do you fight so much?” “How can you call yourselves wives?” “How do your ears not fall off under the weight of those hoops?”) are brought up in L.A. as well, but after seeing a few episodes of this show, I can safely say these women are completely different from Miami. For better or worse. Let’s meet them, shall we?

Everyone already knows Gloria Govan, fiancee of Matt Barnes, arch rival of Shaunie O’Neal (at least back in the day), and exiled wife who just couldn’t take it anymore.

But she’s back on TV and looking to meet a new group of women who aren’t “s— -starting girls.” Such good intentions, this one! Gloria’s been taking acting classes in L.A. because it’s a rule that if you move to Southern California, you must at least try your hand at show business. Gloria meets her acting partner and fellow cast member, Draya, in class. We’ll get to Draya in a minute.

Gloria’s sister Laura‘s reputation might precede her because she’s one of the reasons that Gloria had such a difficult time on season one in Miami. “There was a rumor that I was sleeping with someone famous,” Laura says. “And then I had a big public breakup, and then I had to move across country and I’ve had all these things going on in my life on top of having a baby.” So you’ve been busy, is what you’re saying. I have to admit, Laura is softer-spoken and funnier than I expected, although, clearly, she has anger issues which can be ignited at any moment.Malaysia Pargo can speak to that.

Malaysia is married to Jannero Pargo who plays for Chicago, and she was born and raised in Compton, CA. I like Malaysia but like all the other women, I don’t get the jewelry line for children. When I was growing up, that was called charm necklaces and Ring Pops. So I get why the women consider her bougie.

Kimsha Artest might be the biggest member of anti-Malaysia contingent. Hailing from South Jamaica Queens, Kimsha is the partner of Metta World Peace Ron Artest and she, how do I put this delicately? Doesn’t give a f—. As soon as the women all meet and sit down to dinner, she immediately launches an anti-LA attack. “LA is not my scene. Overrated,” she tells the girls, while telling those of us at home “I don’t dig LA.. cause these bitches is f—in’ bougie and Botoxed

and their boobs sittin’ up like this.”

Malaysia takes offense to Kimsha’s assessment of her city, so I’m pretttty sure this is going to be an East Coast-West Coast battle this season.

Imani Showalter, ex-fiancee of Stephen Jackson, is also a recent transplant to L.A. but she doesn’t have quite the aversion to it that Kimsha does. But she’s also trying to determine what Malaysia’s deal is too, because she can instantly tell that Malaysia’s not meshing 100%. “There were a couple of side-eyes and a couple of rolled eyes like, I don’t know, out of boredom” Imani says about Malaysia, and she and all the other women are taken aback when Malaysia leaves abruptly.

The day after the introductory group dinner, a few of the ladies meet for introductory group drinks to meet Tanya Williams, who is an inspirational speaker and the estranged wife of Jayson Williams, and Jackie Christie, who has been married to player Doug Christie for seventeen years.

I’m just putting this out there: Does anyone get a good vibe from Tanya?

Because I can’t take it. Imani describes her as “I am the wise one and I am here to tell you!” and Gloria says she’s “kind of like Confucius.” And I say it’s kind of intolerable. Kimsha knows what I’m talking about.

As for Jackie, she explains that she and Doug get remarried every year (not just vow renewal, but remarried). She explains that she faced a lot of criticism for choosing “to walk our own path” but hell, they have seventeen years of marriage to show for it, so who cares?

Finally, we meet Draya Michele, acting partner, model, and groupie-jumpoff, the species which is the natural enemy to these wives. Pretty sure that watching Draya meet the other women will be like watching a poor gazelle get eaten alive by a lion on the savannah. Even though Draya hits it off with Gloria, you can tell she’s not going to be these girls’ BFF. (Do I smell a Royce in the group?) Draya explains “I’ve dated a couple athletes…Once you date one, two, or three, you start to get a reputation which I don’t think is fair.” Well, which is though, one or three? Because there’s a difference.

Now that we’ve met all the ladies (finally tally: two actual wives, two former fiancees, one actual fiancee, one groupie, and two estranged/ambiguous wife/partnerships), let’s talk about the drama. It’s clear that Kimsha and Malaysia aren’t going to be friends, and that spiritual Tanya isn’t letting anyone see her real spirit, but the real beef here is between Malaysia and Laura. In a matter of seconds Malaysia went from eating her chopsticky salad and defending her character to trying to ram her fedora down Laura’s throat. All while Tanya stoically BBM’d her friends from the Personal Growth Workshop.

Like their Miami predecessors, it seems these women have a lot of layers to them (including a layer that constantly gets them thrown out of nice eating establishments), and we’ve only just begun to peel them back. Will Kimsha’s assessment that L.A. folks are phony ring true, or will these women redefine for us what it’s like to be a basketball wife? We have nine more episodes to find out.

'Dancing With The Stars' season 13 cast revealed (Spoilers)

The celebrity cast of the 13th season of "Dancing With The Stars" was announced Monday, Aug. 29 during "Bachelor Pad." Find out who will be competing for the mirror ball trophy this season below.(Warning: Spoiler ahead!)

The rest of the cast includes actress and talk show host Ricki Lake, reality star Kristin Cavallari, Los Angeles Laker Ron Artest, actor David Arquette, Chynna Phillips of Wilson Phillips, fashion expert Carson Kressley, TV host Nancy Grace, soap star J.R. Martinez, U.S. soccer goalkeeper Hope Solo, Italian actress and George Clooney's ex-girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis and "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" star Rob Kardashian.

Chaz Bono will be hitting the ballroom floor this season. Bono was born Chastity Bono, the daughter of Cher and Sonny Bono, but underwent a sex change in 2009. Bono was previously rumored to be one of the new cast members of the series.

In March 2009, he began the process of becoming a man. Bono took testosterone and underwent procedures such as having his breasts removed, which he told TIME magazine marked "the greatest day, probably of my life."

Bono, 42, recently opened up about his struggles in his new book, "Transition: The Story of How I Became a Man," and in his new documentary, "Becoming Chaz," which came out May 10.

Lake, 42, is best known for her talk show 'Ricki Lake,' which ran between 1998 and 2004. She is also an actress who has appeared in films like "Hairspray" in 1988 and "Cry-Baby," a 1990 musical movie starring Johnny Depp. Lake also starred in the 1994 dark comedy "Serial Mom."

Lake hosted the VH1 reality show "Charm School" in 2009 and is currently set to return to television full time in the fall of 2012 with a new daytime talk show. She recently got engaged to boyfriend Christian Evans. Lake has two sons with her first husband, Rob Sussman.

FirstEnergy Corp. Customer Care: Outage Assistance

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Top 10 Dumbest Ways New Yorkers "Prepared" For Irene: Pics, Videos, Links, News

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Chris Brown - Yeah 3X/ Protect Ya Neck/ Teen Spirit/ Beautiful People (Live)

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Beyonce Reveals Pregnancy On VMA Stage

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Big Brother Recap: Veto Competition 8/24/11

The numbers may be dwindling in the Big Brother house, but Wednesday's episode proved there is still much game to be played. But first: The Zingbot is in the house, ready to insult each and every houseguest. Who got zinged the worst?  Who won the power of veto? And who is now up for eviction in this very tricky double-elimination week? Let's find out.

With Kalia and Porsche nominated for eviction, Daniele feels pretty good about the deal she made with Head of Household Jeff. Of course, she also promised Jeff that she wouldn't try to win the power of veto. Naturally, that was a lie. In fact, the only way Daniele can guarantee that both she and her closest ally in the house, Kalia, remain safe is to win the veto.

While Daniele ponders that conundrum, Rachel passes the hours by stalking Daniele and asking her annoying questions. Seriously, I think Rachel becomes more of a 5-year-old with every episode. I have to give Daniele credit for her ability to stay calm and not totally lose it on Rachel. Of course, in the diary room she does admit that she would like to punch her in the face. (Are we wrong for wanting to see that fight?) As you can imagine, Daniele is thrilled when Rachel is the only player not chosen to play in the power of veto competition. Rachel, of course, sulks.

Meaningless aside No. 1: Hey, look! Jordan is doing a striptease. It's quite possibly the least sexy striptease ever, but it was enough to get Adam all googly-eyed. In truth, she simply took off her "humilitard" after wearing it for a week. Jeff was surprised to see this new side to his girlfriend ... but he liked it! (Not as much as Adam. Maybe they should fight too!)

Meaningless aside No. 2: Ever wonder what Big Brother pillow talk is like? Well if you're Jeff and Jordan, it's a long, intense discussion about the proper pronunciation of mischievous. (For the record, they are both correct, according to Merriam-Webster. Mis-cha-vous and mis-chee-vee-ous are both acceptable.)

Before the veto competition, everyone's favorite insult robot showed up to cut the houseguests down to size. The Zingbot comments on Jeff's circa-1995 soul patch, Rachel's incessant talk about fiancé Brendon, Adam's resemblance to The Addams Family's Uncle Fester, Shelly's manliness and Kalia's sleeping habits. But my favorite zings (and perhaps the meanest) were for ...

... Daniele, the daughter of former winner Evel Dick: Do you own a car or are you still riding your daddy's coattails?

...Porsche, who is a bit curvy: Why didn't your parents name you after a car with a roomier trunk?

...and the delightfully dim Jordan: The reason Jeff hasn't proposed to you is because he knows you're terrible at answering questions.

Zzzziiiiiingggg!
The competition required the houseguests to build the Zingbot his bride. The person to put together the fembot puzzle in the quickest time wins. Although Daniele, Kalia and Porsche all desperately want to win, Jeff wants to win even more in order to hold all the power, and by extension, have options of who to send home. Jordan, Shelly and Adam? Well, you didn't really expect them to win, did you? (Which makes me wonder: Why has Jeff built an alliance of floaters, since he says all the time that he wants to take them out? I mean, Jordan is his girlfriend, but what have Shelly and Adam done exactly? Also, look to Shelly's convo with Kalia in tonight's episode to prove she's still a snake. Watch your back, Jeff.)

In any case, Jeff gets his wish, as he is the first to complete the puzzle, and therefore, the winner of the power of veto. Porsche and Kalia both promise not to come after Jeff if he should take them off the block. (Additionally, Kalia argues that she is less of a floater than Porsche because she actually won an HOH. Meh.) Aside from that, Jeff asks Daniele how solid their deal from last week is. She promises him that he is safe and further offers him and Jordan a final four deal if he agrees to also save Kalia. I don't know if I actually believe Daniele, but I think Jeff should keep Daniele one more week before making a power move.

Alas, at the veto ceremony, Jeff takes Porsche off the block. And in her place he puts (shocker!) Daniele. Jeff said he gave Daniele his word in the first week, and she broke it when she tried to get Rachel to backdoor Jeff. Therefore, he can't trust her word any more. He also says that Daniele bragged that she told host Julie Chen that she didn't regret pushing to evict Jeff in a big game move. Jeff says when she walks out the door Thursday night, he hopes Daniele gives Julie a different answer. Oh snap! Or should I say: Zing!

Daniele vows that she will do everything in her power to sway the votes to stay. She has no regrets, but if she is able to stay, she says Jeff will be the one regretting this move. (I don't think she has the votes, but again, I think Jeff pulled the trigger too soon. With one of her alliance members gone, Daniele would have needed Jeff for numbers at least one more week. Of course, none of them know it's a double eviction Thursday, so it all could be moot!)

VH1's Los Angeles 'Basketball Wives'

               

VH1 has created a Los Angeles-based spinoff of its series Basketball Wives.

The show, which is set to premiere on Monday, August 29 at 8 PM, will follow the daily drama and hilarity of select wives and girlfriends of Lakers and Clippers players. The cast will include Kimsha Artest, Jackie Christie, Imani Showalter, Gloria Govan, and Laura Govan, among other women. Kimisha Artest is married to Lakers star Ron Artest, while Jackie Christie is the wife of former Clippers player Doug Christie. Imani Showalter is known as the ex-fiancée of the Charlotte Bobcats' Stephen Jackson. Gloria Govan was on the first season of Basketball Wives and is engaged to Lakers player Matt Barnes. Laura, Gloria's sister, is the former fiancée of the Orlando Magic's Gilbert Arenas and the mother of his four children. 

From the looks of things, there’s going to be plenty of drama, and cat fights, which is to be expected, right? Throughout the season, Jackie Christie will be planning her 16th wedding to Doug Christie, who she marries every year. She says that if you are always planning a wedding, you don’t have time to plan a divorce.

Viewers will also be introduced to Gloria Govan’s sister Laura (linked to Gilbert Arenas), Kishma Artest, current ‘partner’ of Lakers player Ron Artest (or Metta World Peace), and Draya Michele, an aspiring actress. What’s interesting about the preview, is the conversation between Draya and Gloria who tells her, ‘it’s hard not to classify you as a groupie’. In a recent interview with Loop 21, Gloria revealed that she knew Draya prior to the show through acting class and that she was chosen to be the ‘Royce Reed’ of the bunch.

Gloria said:

Draya was chosen on the cast because we met Draya through acting class and she seemed like a real sweetheart. Not necessarily knowing her background per se, but just knowing she had some involvement. She kind of plays the role of Royce [Reed] I guess you could say, in terms of her role on Basketball Wives L.A. That’s one of the reasons. We just wanted to give everybody a different dynamic, a 3D version of what we have to deal with as wives and different points of view.

Gloria, really should try not to be so judgmental, because she has problems just like everyone else!!!  
Please comment below, what do you think about the new BW (LA)?

Will & Jada SPLIT? Keep the focus "PEOPLE"

By now you’ve heard all the reports: “Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are getting separated” and “Will & Jada deny split: We are still together“. I am amazed at the number of tweets and facebook postings that have been dedicated to this couple. Statements ranging from “Pray for the Smiths” to “Oh NO say it ain’t so!” have populated my twitter feed this morning. Here is my question for everyone that is looking at the Smiths, have you prayed for your own marriage lately? What about the state of all marriages? Why do the Smiths garner your special prayers?

I understand that they are the King and Queen of black Hollywood. I get it. What I also see is that they were an example of everything we aspire to be – smart, beautiful, talented, rich, and in love.  But, I’m also willing to bet that while we’re all tweeting and posting away on FB about the Smiths many of us haven’t taken the time to have one focused thought today about how we can work on being smart, beautiful, talented, rich, and in love in our own lives. It is so much easier to live vicariously through someone else than to put in the work to make it happen in your own life.

The Smiths are our ideal. Just like the Obamas. But while we are putting people and couples on pedestals, we must stop to remember that 1. They are human, and 2. They owe us nothing. We made them the black family ideal. In reality, they are just 2 people trying to make a marriage work. It’s hard enough stay married without the public glare, but can you imagine it when a whole community has their hopes and dreams placed upon your shoulders?

If we are to learn anything from this separation rumor, maybe it’s to stop and appreciate your own relationship. Go home tonight and hold your spouse’s hand. Kiss them a bit deeper tonight. Pray a bit harder for God’s covering upon not just your family but all families. Maybe tonight is the night to let the argument go. Maybe right now is the time to reaffirm your commitment to your own covenant. Maybe that is the lesson that we are to learn from Will and Jada. 

How Well Do You Know Your Spouse?

Written by  Sheri and Bob Stritof
Sheri and Bob Stritof have been the About.com Marriage experts since 1997. They’ve been married for 47 years and bring firsthand experience and passion to their writing about marriage.

Your relationship is not DEAD! It is living, breathing, and requires your time, attention, and love in order to be successful.  In order for this to occur it’s important that you make yourself “available” to your spouse and endeavor to create a “safe space” so that your spouse will feel more comfortable being “available” to you.

No matter how long you’ve been together, there are always more things to learn about one another.  Knowing more about your spouse may assist you in taking your relationship to the next level.

If the two of you disagree on some of these statements, talk about them in more depth. You may find that you will just have to agree to disagree now and then!

I prefer red wine to white wine.

I squeeze toothpaste from the bottom of the tube.

Valentine’s Day is important to me.

I prefer cats to dogs for house pets.

I do not want animals as house pets.

I enjoy cooking.

~ ~ ~ ~

I think it is OK to ask our parents for advice in financial matters.

I prefer waterbeds to regular beds.

Quality time to me is the two of us alone.

I want children right away – at least within the first three years.

It is all right for a couple to live together before marriage.

I would like to have a child of my own sex even if it means trying again after we have reached the number of children that we have agreed on.

~ ~ ~ ~

I want a one level house.

I like to tell gross jokes.

I would be open to adoption if we can’t conceive children on our own.

Smoking bothers me.

We will mutually decide on our children’s names.

I prefer reading to watching TV.

~ ~ ~ ~

It is OK to charge things like clothes, travel and other expenses on charge cards and carry the credit balance for a few months before paying it off.

Hair left on soap in the shower bothers me.

I enjoy improving my home with paintings, sculptures, etc.

I like apples more than oranges.

I like my home to be a place where friends gather informally.

I obey the posted speed limit.

~ ~ ~ ~

I would shower together with my spouse.

I’m an impulsive spender.

I believe we will save more than $200 from our income each month.

It is important that we eat dinner together as a family.

I would not mind vacationing by myself sometimes.

I would enjoy visiting an art museum.

~ ~ ~ ~

My fiance will say that I get along well with his/her parents.

I see nothing wrong with the man being the primary cook in our house.

I don’t like anyone to use my pen.

I would rather be cremated than buried.

We should make a will within six months of marriage.

I would be willing to move to advance my spouse’s career.

~ ~ ~ ~

I save recyclable materials.

Both of us should work after we have children.

The most important thing we can give our children is security.

I like to watch TV in bed.

I would prefer attending a party to reading.

I enjoy dinner by candlelight.

~ ~ ~ ~

Asking for a date is only a man’s prerogative.

We will open our gifts on Christmas Eve.

I am sometimes the life of the party.

I feel comfortable discussing sex.

I believe that clothes should be separated by fabric and/or color before washing.

I believe prayer is an important part of my life.

~ ~ ~ ~

I like beards on men.

There is a correct way to hang toilet paper.

I like to watch sports on TV.

I like meat and potatoes better than casserole.

I believe that clothes should be line-dried rather than machine dried.

Good sex ends in mutual climax.

~ ~ ~ ~

I enjoy country music.

Religious training is important for children.

We will open a joint bank account.

I like ketchup on eggs.

I believe regular church attendance is important.

I believe that the toilet should be covered by the lid when not in use.

~ ~ ~ ~

If there is something between us we should talk it out before having sex.

I enjoy dinner by candlelight.

I prefer to live in a condo or apartment rather than an individual house.

I prefer comedy movies to horror movies.

It will be OK to borrow money from our parents if we need to.

I enjoy classical music.

~ ~ ~ ~

Religion should play an important part in one’s life.

When I get mad, I need time to cool down, then I can talk.

Excessive drinking is always unacceptable.

The word later can mean more than one day.

I prefer chocolate much more than vegetables.

I think it is OK to call mom once a day to chat and see how things are going.

~ ~ ~ ~

I am more of a leader than a follower.

Sex is the most important factor in a successful relationship.

I find profanity in a social gathering objectionable.

We will both be involved in cooking, house cleaning, laundry and yard work.

I believe that prayers are answered.

Infidelity is grounds for divorce.

~ ~ ~ ~

I like to sleep in the nude.

I believe we both should have life insurance and should buy it asap.

It is important that we attend church together on a regular basis.

I want a pet.

We will have sex whenever I want to.

Warmth and affection are important in a happy marriage.

Sheri and Bob Stritof have been the About.com Marriage experts since 1997. They’ve been married for 47 years and bring firsthand experience and passion to their writing about marriage.

Fall Schedule: New TV Shows

2 Broke Girls (CBS) 

Premieres: Monday, Sept. 19 at 9:30/8:30c (moves to regular time slot on Sept. 26 at 8:30/7:30c
As the title suggests, the sitcom is about two broke girls: Max (Kat Dennings), a smart-mouthed Brooklyn waitress who also works as a nanny, and her new coworker Caroline (Beth Behrs), an heiress who must now make her own living after her Bernie Madoff-like pops is locked up in jail. They don't get off on the best foot, but they end up moving in together and plan to start their own business (Max makes some killer cupcakes). It's like a modern-day Laverne & Shirley!

Allen Gregory (Fox) 

Premieres: Sunday, Oct. 30 at 8:30/7:30c
Created and voiced by Jonah Hill, this animated comedy introduces us to precocious 7-year-old Allen Gregory DeLonpre (Hill), who after being homeschooled all his life by his father, Richard (French Stewart), embarks on his biggest challenge yet: attending public school. Naturally, he doesn't have the easiest time fitting in. Nat Faxon and Joy Osmanski will voice Jeremy, Richard's partner, and Julie, Allen's adopted Cambodian sister, respectively. Leslie Mann, Renee Taylor and Will Forte will guest-star.

                                                                                                                                                          American Horror Story (FX) 

Premieres: Wednesday, Oct. 5 at 10/9c
Ryan Murphy returns to FX with Glee co-creator Brad Falchuk for this psychosexual horror mystery series. Dylan McDermott and Connie Britton star as Ben and Vivien Sherman, a couple who moves to Los Angeles to make a fresh start only to find that their new home is not exactly warm and cozy. Instead, there's a creepy creature in the basement and at least one character who may or may not be dead. Jessica Lange and Denis O'Hare co-star.

Charlie's Angels (ABC) 

Premieres: Thursday, Sept. 22 at 8/7c
Hello, Angels! This frothy, Miami-set reboot stars Minka Kelly, Rachael Taylor and Annie Ilonzeh as the latest incarnation of the crime-fighting trio — but it doesn't start out that way. Eve (Kelly), a rogue street racer, joins the group after her childhood friend/original Angel Gloria is murdered. Something tells us she'll fit in just fine. Fun fact: The series will premiere on the same day the original show debuted 35 years ago.

Enlightened (HBO) 

Premieres: Monday, Oct. 10 at 9:30/8:30c
Tired of all the dark, morally gray characters on TV these days? Meet Amy (Laura Dern), a self-destructive woman who decides to turn her life around after experiencing a spiritual awakening in rehab. Diane Ladd (Dern's real-life mom), Luke Wilson and Tim Sharp co-star as Amy's mom, ex-husband and boss, respectively, who are less than thrilled with her new sunny, can-do disposition. Advice on how to live life from a former addict? The irony's not lost on them. Created by School of Rock, Freaks and Geeks and Dawson's Creek writer (and two-time Amazing Race contestant) Mike White.

Free Agents (NBC) 

Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 14 at 10:30/9:30c (moves to regular time slot on Sept. 21 at 8:30/7:30c
A remake of a British (duh) comedy, the sitcom stars Hank Azaria and Kathryn Hahn as Alex and Helen, newly single coworkers who start to develop feelings for each other after having a drunken one-night stand. (Isn't that how it always is?)Buffy alum Anthony Head, who starred on the U.K. version, will reprise his role as Stephen, their boss. We know — we'd rather see him on Ringer too.

A Gifted Man (CBS) 

Premieres: Friday, Sept. 23 at 8/7c
He sees dead people! Actually, just one dead person. Michael Holt (Patrick Wilson) is a hot-shot, arrogant surgeon whose life gets thrown for a loop when his recently deceased ex-wife, Anna (Jennifer Ehle), starts appearing to him to teach him about life from the hereafter. (Thnk House meets Eli Stone meets Ghost Whisperer.) The show was created by Oscar-nominated screenwriter Susannah Grant (Erin Brockovich), features a supporting cast that includes Julie Benz and Justified's Margo Martindale, and had Jonathan Demme at the helm of its pilot.

Grimm (NBC) 

Premieres: Friday, Oct. 21 at 9/8c
Better brush up on your German. Grimm's Fairy Tales gets a procedural twist with Nick Burkhardt (David Giuntoli), a detective who discovers his destiny is to protect humans from the storybook baddies that have invaded our real world. Speaking of the real world, Giuntoli is a Road Rules: South Pacific and Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet alum. Get all the jokes out now.

H8R (CW) 

Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 14 at 8/7c
If you despise Kim Kardashian, Snooki or any other overexposed celeb, then this is the show for you. Host Mario Lopez will bring together stars and their civilian haters so they can convince these detractors to see the error of their ways. Truce or not, look for some very bruised egos.

Hart of Dixie (CW) 

Premieres: Monday, Sept. 26 at 9/8c
Call it Southern Exposure. Rachel Bilson reunites with The O.C. creator Josh Schwartz for this medical drama, playing big-city doc Zoe Hart, who heads to tiny Bluebell, Ala., when she inherits a practice. Expect culture clashes galore and Zoe to stay put after coming through in a medical emergency and discovering an old secret. Having Scott Porter play your potential beau doesn't hurt either.

Hell on Wheels (AMC) 

Premieres: Sunday, Nov. 6 at 10/9c
Deadwood 2.0? Not exactly. For one, producers are calling this post-Civil War drama an "Eastern," not a "Western," mostly because it's set against the building of the Transcontinental Railroad as it follows Cullen Bohannan (Anson Mount), a Confederate soldier on the hunt for the Union soldiers who killed his wife. Sounds like Easterns have the same tales of vengeance that Westerns do! The show takes its name from the traveling camps, brothels and saloons that followed the railroad workers during construction.

Homeland (Showtime) 

Premieres: Sunday, Oct. 2 at 10/9c
The artists formerly known as Angela Chase and Inigo Montoya, aka Claire Danes and Mandy Patinkin, headline this suspense thriller that's based on an Israeli series. Danes plays CIA officer Carrie Anderson, who is suspicious about the intel that led to the rescue of U.S. soldier Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) 10 years after he went missing during the invasion of Baghdad. Patinkin plays her boss and mentor, Saul, in his first TV gig since his controversial exit from Criminal Minds four years ago. Here's to history not repeating.

How to Be a Gentleman (CBS) 

Premieres: Thursday, Sept. 29 at 8:30/7:30c
"Andrew and Bert" don't have the same ring as "Oscar and Felix," but that's exactly who they are — the 21st-century Odd Couple. Based on the book of the same name, the sitcom stars David Hornsby (Mr. Emily Deschanel) as the Felix-like Andrew, an uptight, sophisticated writer who pens a column for a men's magazine. When the mag wants to make its tone younger and edgier, Alan strikes up an unlikely friendship with his old classmate, Bert (Kevin Dillon), an exuberant personal trainer who will show Andrew how to be a manly man. Because if there's anyone who can teach you how to live, it's Johnny Drama.

I Hate My Teenage Daughter (Fox) 

Premieres: Wednesday, Nov. 23 at 9:30/8:30c
Don't you love it when the title says it all? Jaime Pressly and Katie Finneran are Annie and Nikki, two single moms, who fret their daughters are turning into the same type of mean girls who tormented them in high school — all because they spoiled them growing up. So now they fear them... and also want to be their BFFs. Healthy relationships all around!

Last Man Standing (ABC) 

Premieres: Tuesday, Oct. 11 at 8/7c
Remember how it was the boys against mom on Home Improvement? Well, now it's the girls against dad. Tim Allen returns to TV as Mike Baxter, a father of three girls who feels he’s under siege being a man in a woman's world after his wife, Vanessa (Nancy Travis), successfully rejoins the workforce while he remains at home. Too bad he doesn't have Tool Time to make him feel secure in his masculinity.

Man Up! (ABC) 

Premieres: Tuesday, Oct. 18 at 8:30/7:30c
It's hard out there for a guy these days, haven't you heard? Like its network-mate and lead-in Last Man Standing, Man Up! also explores the emasculation of the modern man in an increasingly estrogen-dominated universe through three best friends (Mather Zickel, Dan Fogler and Chris Moynihan, who's also the show's writer and executive producer). They are 40 going on 14 until they realize it's time to, well, man up and get in touch with their macho side — if they even know how to do that.

New Girl (Fox) 

Premieres: Tuesday, Sept. 20 at 9/8c
Zooey Deschanel joins big sis Emily on Fox as Jess, a socially awkward gal who moves in with three bachelors (Max Greenfield, Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans Jr., whose part has been recast since Happy Endings was renewed) after getting dumped by her boyfriend. The guys only take in her blubbering, Dirty Dancing-watching mess because her BFF is a model (Hannah Simone). But they soon come to appreciate Jess' quirkiness (Zooey's quirky? You don't say!) and try to snap her out of her funk to help her re-enter the dating scene. So yes, you'll have to suspend disbelief that Zooey Deschanel has trouble attracting guys.

Once Upon a Time (ABC) 

Premieres: Sunday, Oct. 23 at 8/7c
Do you think fairy tales are real? They are in Storybrooke, Maine, a town frozen in time with fairy tale figures who have no recollection of their real identities. Leave it to 10-year-old Henry (Jared Gilmore) to try to set things right when he tracks down his birth mom, Emma Swan (Jennifer Morrison), a bail bonds collector who is the daughter of Snow White (Ginnifer Goodwin) and Prince Charming (Joshua Dallas). The fantastical drama, which will tell dual stories set in present-day Storybrooke and in fairy tale land, comes from Lost writers Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, so keep your eyes and ears peeled for lots of references to time travel and polar bears.

Pan Am (ABC) 

Premieres: Sunday, Sept. 25 at 10/9c
Come fly with them! Set in the '60s, the drama centers on the loves and lives of stewardesses (led by Christina Ricci) of the iconic titular airline. Although lauded as symbols of sleek, Jet Age glamour, their personal lives are full of turbulence. Kelli Garner, Margot Robbie and Karine Vanasse round out the Barbie doll-like crew, who are as adept at coffee service as they are at… oh wait, we can't ruin that twist.

Person of Interest (CBS) 

Premieres: Thursday, Sept. 22 at 9/8c
Remember Minority Report? Person of Interest — from J.J. Abrams and Jonathan Nolan (aka Christopher's brother) — is like that, but a bit more complicated. Stick with us, if you will: Finch (Michael Emerson) is a mysterious (could Emerson play anything less?) billionaire who has created a surveillance program for the government that identifies people who will be involved in a future crime — either as a perp or a victim. Finch reaches out to Reese (Jim Caviezel), a presumed-dead CIA agent-turned-drunk, to stop the crimes before they occur. Got that? Now will you be watching as closely as those surveillance cameras?

The Playboy Club (NBC) 

Premieres: Sunday, Sept. 25 at 10/9c
Another '60s-set period drama, The Playboy Club is pretty self-explanatory at this point. The series follows a group of Bunnies (including newbie Maureen, played by Amber Heard) and the guys in their lives, particularly Nick Dalton (Eddie Cibrian), a shady attorney and club keyholder who comes to Maureen's aid after she accidently kills a grabby mobster in self-defense. Sexual politics and organized crime? We're in!

Prime Suspect (NBC) 

Premieres: Thursday, Sept. 22 at 10/9c
It's hard to follow in Helen Mirren's footsteps, but that's exactly what Maria Bello is out to do. An adaptation of the British series — for which Mirren won two Emmys — the procedural follows Detective Jane Timoney (Bello), a badass New York City cop who tries to prove herself in a male-dominated precinct. Take that, Man Up!

Revenge (ABC) 

Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 21 at 10/9c
The drama stars Emily VanCamp as Emily Thorne, a mysterious woman who heads to the Hamptons under the guise of wooing Daniel (Joshua Bowman), the son of Victoria Grayson (Madeleine Stowe). But she's actually there to exact revenge on the people (ahem, Victoria) who destroyed her family. It's a contemporary re-telling of The Count of Monte Cristo, but Emily Thorne makes for a much prettier little liar than Edmond Dantes.

Ringer (CW) 

Premieres: Tuesday, Sept. 13 at 9/8c
Sarah Michelle Gellar's back! And this time, there's two of her! Gellar plays twins Bridget and Siobhan — both decidedly un-Buffy-like — in this mystery thriller that was originally developed for CBS. Bridget, a recovering alcoholic, is on the run from some baddies and decides to hide out by taking the identity of her wealthy twin sis, who is thought to be dead. Turns out taking on Siobhan's persona puts Bridget in a very different kind of danger. Lost alum Nestor Carbonell co-stars, but don't expect any sci-fi stuff, à la Lost and Buffy, on Ringer. "No hatch! No island!" Gellar says.

The Secret Circle (CW) 

Premieres: Thursday, Sept. 15 at 9/8c
Something wicked this way comes from Kevin Williamson once again. The man who gave us Vampire Diaries has now adapted L.J. Smith's other supernatural book series. Britt Robertson is Cassie Blake, a California teen who moves to Chance Harbor, Wash., where she discovers she's a witch and joins a secret coven that includes Thomas Dekker, Phoebe Tonkin and Shelley Hennig. But don't think you will know what's coming if you've read the novels. Why? (Spoiler alert!) The show kills off someone who survived the whole book series in the opening minutes of the pilot.

Suburgatory (ABC) 

Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 28 at 8:30/7:30c
Ah the good ol' city vs. suburbs war. Tessa (Jane Levy), a native New Yorker, is abruptly uprooted to the 'burbs after her single dad, George (Jeremy Sisto), finds a box of condoms in her drawer and decides she needs to be in a more wholesome environment. Of course, their new cookie-cutter neighborhood is anything but appealing to Tessa, who loathes her school's mean girls and their obsession with all things superficial. Don't worry, Tessa, purgatory is only temporary.

Terra Nova (Fox) 

Premieres: Monday, Sept. 26 at 8/7c
Doesn't it feel like we've been talking about this show for five years? At long last, the Steven Spielberg-produced dino drama — about the Shannon family (led by Jason O'Mara) who travels back to prehistoric Earth to save the human race — will hit our TV sets with dinosaurs of every friendly and not-so-friendly variety. "You're going to see some pretty cool dino-on-man action," co-executive producer Jose Molina says. "Epic dino-on-man action." No, not like that!

Unforgettable (CBS) 

Premieres: Tuesday, Sept. 20 at 10/9c
The latest to join CBS' litany of gifted crime solvers is Carrie Wells (Poppy Montgomery), a New York City detective who has the rare ability to remember everything. Except for one event: She's desperately trying to solve the murder of her sister, whose body Carrie found as a child, but cannot recall what happened that day. In case you're wondering, this special ability is very much real — Marilu Henner has it and serves as a consultant on the show, which is based on J. Robert Lennon's short story "The Rememberer."

Up All Night (NBC) 

Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 14 at 10/9c (moves to regular time slot on Sept. 21 at 8/7c
Featuring one of the more high-profile new casts, the Emily Spivey (Parks and Recreation) comedy stars Christina Applegate and Will Arnett as Reagan and Chris, new parents juggling work (Maya Rudolph is Applegate's boss and BFF), romance and, oh yeah, that baby, who has put a little damper on their social life. That doesn't stop Reagan and Chris from partying it, uh, up all night, only to be hungover when their daughter needs a new diaper the next morning. See, the title works on so many levels!

Whitney (NBC) 

Premieres: Thursday, Sept. 22 at 9:30/8:30c
The darling of this year's slate, Whitney Cummings (who also co-created 2 Broke Girls) will headline her eponymous sitcom as the titular character who tries to rekindle the flame with her beau of five years, Alex (Chris D'Elia), after they attend a pal's wedding. Zoe Lister-Jones, Maulik Pancholy, Ree Seahorn and Dan O'Brien co-star as their friends, the former two as a couple, so look at it as a cross betweenFriends and Happy Endings.                        

The X Factor (Fox) 

Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 21 at 8/7c
After two years, America's Sweethearts — Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul — will finally return to our screens as judges on Cowell's long-gestating pet project. Adapted from his U.K. version, the talent show is not completely identical to the duo's former stomping ground, American Idol. X Factor is open to groups, people as young as 12 can audition, there is no upper age limit, and judges (who also includes L.A. Reid and Nicole Scherzinger, who already replaced Cheryl Cole) will also mentor contestants, not unlike The Voice. Oh, and there's also the prize money: $5 million — the largest purse in television history.