Sunday, September 18, 2011

TV Shows on Saturday


SATURDAY
I'm going to be honest with you. There really isn't much on on Saturday. I'm not even sure David Spade's mom is watching TV on Saturdays. You and David Spade's mom should go run errands together. Maybe she has a Costco card.
Saturdays 8-9pm
8PM - 9PM 
CBS
Rules of Engagement
Season 6 premieres 9/24 at 8pm
CBS is breaking every rule in the book by airing new episodes of this sitcom on Saturdays. Saturdays!Who is going to watch TV on Saturday? Saturday night is Call of Duty night!
Saturdays 10-11pm
10PM - 11PM 
ABC
20/20
Season premiere airs 9/16 at 10pm
This long-running news magazine is great for keggers!
CBS
48 Hours Mystery
Season premiere airs 9/24 at 10pm
Don't be fooled by the title. It's only feels like 48 hours.

11PM - 12AM 
NBC
Saturday Night Live
Season 37 premieres 9/24 at 11:30pm
Alec Baldwin and Radiohead will kick off the new season.

TV Shows on Friday


FRIDAY
At some point in the last few years, the Secret Society of Network Executives gathered in their mysterious mountain hideout and decided that Fridays should heretofore be referred to as "Sci-Fridays." Yes, bigots that they are, they presumed that people who watch science-fiction obviously don't go out on the weekend, so there's a sweet stockpile of series that lean toward the geek persuasion. Not cool! (The stacking of the shows on Fridays, not the shows themselves.) But hey, at least Fringe is still alive and kicking!
Fridays 8-9pm
8PM - 9PM 
CBS
A Gifted Man
**EDITORS' PICK!** NEW! Series premiere airs 9/23 at 8pm
This new medical drama stars Patrick Wilson as a cocky surgeon who lives life like a cocky surgeon should: by burning money and makin' it rain! But when the spirit of his recently deceased ex-wife shows up to guide him down a different path, he becomes a changed man. Wait, his dead ex-wife nagging him from beyond the grave is his "gift"?
FOX
Kitchen Nightmares
Season 5 premieres 9/23 at 8pm
In this show, kitchens talk about their worst fears. Either that, or celebrity chef Gordon Ramsayscreams a lot.
THE CW
Nikita
Season 2 premieres 9/23 at 8pm
Maggie Q returns as the titular spy with legs as long as telephone poles. Seriously, have you seen her? She's built like a grasshopper!
NBC
Chuck
Season 5 premieres 10/21 at 8pm
The action comedy moves to Friday nights for its final season, which sees Chuck and Sarah married and filthy rich, and Morgan with a copy of the Intersect possibly uploaded into his brain. Oh, Morgan!
Fridays 9-10pm
9PM - 10PM 
DISCOVERY
Man, Woman, Wild
Season 2 premieres 9/2 at 9pm
It's just like Man and Wild to settle their differences once a woman comes along. Wussies.
SUNDANCE
Unleashed by Garo
NEW! Series premiere airs 9/9 at 9pm
If you name your kid Garo Sparo, of course he's going to become the star of his own fashion-based reality show.
CBS
CSI: NY
Season 8 premieres 9/23 at 9pm
Wait a sec, there's crime in New York!?
NBC
Dateline NBC
Season premiere airs 9/23 at 9pm
Still going strong.
FOX
Fringe
**EDITORS' PICK!** Season 4 premieres 9/23 at 9pm
If this show makes the same exponential leap in quality as it did between Season 1 to Season 2 and then again between Season 2 and Season 3, then Season 4 will make your heart explode. You've been warned!
THE CW
Supernatural
Season 7 premieres 9/23 at 9pm
The Winchester brothers return for more cross-country spook-slaying after annoying Cas so much that he decided to become God.
TRAVEL CHANNEL
Ghost Adventures
Season 6 premieres 9/23 at 9pm
You'd think this was a show about a ghost couple who they travels around the world, but sadly it's just about three guys who hunt ghosts.
NBC
Grimm
NEW! Series premiere airs 10/21 at 9pm
Remember those fables and fairy tales your sweet grandmother used to tell you? Well, they're real and those critters will tear your face off and use it as a napkin. Thankfully there's a Portland cop out there who's one of a long line of special people who can stop these baddies... provided he stop stuffing his mouth with Voodoo Donuts for a few seconds.
Fridays 10-11pm
10PM - 11PM 
DISCOVERY
Swamp Loggers
Season 4 premieres 9/2 at 10pm
Someone said, "Let's make a reality show that follows loggers in the swamp." Discovery said, "Okay."
CBS
Blue Bloods
Season 2 premieres 9/23 at 10pm
This under-the-radar drama follows a family of New York City cops and stars Tom Selleck as the city's perfectly mustachioed police commissioner. Fans who stuck it out until the end of Season 1: Is anything interesting happening with the Blue Templar yet?
TRAVEL CHANNEL
The Dead Files
NEW! Series premiere airs 9/23 at 10pm
In this reality series, a homicide detective and a psychic medium team up to haunt ghosts, explain unexplainable phenomena, and maybe—just maybe—find a little romance.
DISCOVERY
Gold Rush: Alaska
Season 2 premieres 10/28 at 10pm
A few years ago, someone at Discovery asked, "Hey, do we have a show about gold miners in Alaska yet?" The rest is history.
STARZ
Boss
**EDITORS' PICK!** NEW! Series premiere airs 10/21 at 10pm!!!!
In addition to having one of the coolest show titles of the season, this drama about the mayor of Chicago stars Kelsey Grammer. It's got to be better than Hank, right? 

TV Shows on Thursday


THURSDAY
So much stuff! Your DVR will be thanking Father Time when Friday rolls around, because Thursday is going to make it sore. The night is especially strong in the comedy arena with NBC's laughing block plus CBS's The Big Bang Theory, and FX's Archer and It's Always Sunny... comedy. Just remember to save a few of those laughs in a bottle to re-open on Tuesday. Tuesdays are the worst!
Thursdays 8-9pm
8PM - 9PM 
THE CW
The Vampire Diaries
Season 3 premieres 9/15 at 8pm
Ian Somerhalder takes his shirt off all vampire-like in this supernatural drama that's set in a town with a really relaxed attitude toward frequent murder. Then our own Price Peterson gives you the play-by-play with weekly photographic recaps.
ABC
Charlie's Angels
NEW! Series premiere airs 9/22 at 8pm
Minka Kelly stars in this re-imagining of the classic '60s series about female superspies who must be at least nines or tens to enlist. But preferably tens. After all, it IS a matter of national security.
NBC
Community
**EDITORS' PICK!** Season 3 premieres 9/22 at 8pm
Community is FUNNY. That's our professional opinion.
CBS
The Big Bang Theory
Season 5 premieres 9/22 at 8pm
After four seasons and as many notches in Leonard and Raj's bedposts, it's time for one of us to finally speak the truth: Penny has questionable judgment in men.
FOX
The X Factor (Part 2)
NEW! Series premiere continues 9/22 at 8pm
You watched last night's first part, so you may as well watch this second part. No one likes a quitter.
NBC
Parks and Recreation
Season 4 premieres 9/22 at 8:30pm
That cute, hip chick at the coffee shop likes Parks and Recreation, but her boyfriend thinks it's just a rip-off of The Office. Now's your chance.
CBS
How to be a Gentleman
NEW! Series premiere airs 9/29 at 8:30pm
David Hornsby (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) created and stars in this comedy about a preppy wimp who learns how to be a real man from his new friend (Kevin Dillon). Like mom always said, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." This show isn't that good. And yes, that was being nice.
Thursdays 9-10pm
9PM - 10PM 
THE CW
The Secret Circle
NEW! Series premiere airs 9/15 at 9pm
What happens when a young teen moves to a new town and discovers she's one of a long line of witches? Dollar signs flash in CW execs' eyes! Cha-ching!
ABC
Grey's Anatomy
Season 8 premieres 9/22 at 9pm
Yep, this one's still got a heartbeat. Season 8 opens with Meredith in danger of losing her job.
CBS
Person of Interest
**EDITORS' PICK!** NEW! Series premiere airs 9/22 at 9pm
A rich guy creates a computer program that can help identify people who will be involved in a future crimes, and hires an ex-CIA agent to help him stop said crimes. Seriously, that's the plot. And it actually sounds kind of good.
NBC
The Office
Season 8 premieres 9/22 at 9pm
James Spader is the new honcho at Dunder-Mifflin, but we're still waiting to find out who will be named Regional Manager of the Scranton branch. Miss u already, Steve Carell!
FOX
Bones
Season 7 premieres 11/3 at 9pm
Will they or won't they? Oh wait, they did? When? Last season? Why are we still watching this show?
NBC
Whitney
NEW! Series premiere airs 9/22 at 9:30pm
Comedian Whitney Cummings stars in this romantic comedy that will be canceled by Episode 3.
Thursdays 10-11pm
10PM - 11PM 
FX
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
**EDITORS' PICK!** Season 7 premieres 9/15 at 10pm
Rob McElhenney (Mac) has gained 50 pounds since last season, just to make you laugh. And you know what? It's going to work.
NBC
Prime Suspect
**EDITORS' PICK!** NEW! Series premiere airs 9/22 at 10pm
In this remake of the cherished U.K. show, Maria Bello plays a strong-willed female detective in New York who must earn the respect of her male coworkers. And nothing commands respect like an outrageous hat.
CBS
The Mentalist
Season 4 premieres 9/22 at 10pm
Patrick Jane (Simon Baker) is a man with keen observation skills, so of course he knows how handsome he is.
ABC
Private Practice
Season 5 premieres 9/29 at 10pm
Entering its fifth season of making Grey's Anatomy look better than it actually is.
FX
Archer
**EDITORS' PICK!** Season 3 premieres 9/15 at 10:30pm
How many international hotties will Archer bang this season? Not as many as you, you devil! (Note that like you/Archer, this listing is a bit of a tease; the show is only airing three new episodes before going back on hiatus until early 2012.)
FX
The League
Season 3 premieres 10/6 at 10:30pm
But I was really wondering what the show would have done if there was a NFL lockout! Could these guys make a fantasy basketball version, please?
MTV
Good Vibes
NEW! Series premiere airs 10/27 at 10:30pm
This animated show features two bros surfing, picking up ladies, and partyin'.